How To Spot A Narcissist

We’ve all encountered narcissists, but sometimes it isn’t easy to tell that they’re a narcissist until it is too late. Before you know it, you have a co-worker who is always bragging about their life, or a friend who always makes the conversation about themselves.

If you can relate to this, don’t worry. There are often tell-tale signs that give away narcissism – and here they are.

 

They are likeable to begin with. Narcissists often make great first impressions, coming across as charismatic and friendly – which is probably why they perform so well in job interviews.

 

They often work in leadership positions. This isn’t because they make better leaders; it is just because they want to lead and rule, so they are more likely to end up in a leadership position than someone else. If they aren’t a leader, you can bet that they wish they were!

 

They always make the conversation about themselves. They often do this without any clear link – one minute you are talking about work, and the next minute they are talking about their problems/achievements, such as a break up or a promotion.

 

In all the stories they tell, they are never to blame.  The story could paint them as either a winner or a victim – either way, they will still be blameless.

 

Appearance is important to them. They are more likely to make an effort with their appearance, and they are also more likely to buy high-status items such as an expensive phone or car.

 

Their past is filled with human wreckage. They may have been through many jobs and break-ups, because narcissists put themselves before everyone else (including their partners.)

 

They are more likely to take things personally. If you and a narcissistic co-worker disagree about a future project, they will think that you are against them personally, instead of accepting that you both have different ideas.

 

What do you think about these points? Do you know a narcissist?

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HOW TO DEAL WITH TOXIC PEOPLE

Everyone in the world will meet a toxic person at some point in their lives.

Liars, narcissists, manipulators and sociopaths are very good at creating drama and dragging other people into it. It can happen at home, with your friends, or even at work with a colleague.

While their behaviour is hard to understand, it often stems from insecurity. If you have a toxic person in your life, here are a few ways to make sure they don’t rule your life – or drag you into the drama!

 

Don’t gossip with someone who is toxic. Toxic people will share other people’s secrets with you for many reasons; to create drama, to seem interesting, or to gauge your reaction. Don’t gossip back or say anything negative to them, as there is a high chance they will tell everyone. If a toxic person starts gossiping with you, politely excuse yourself.

Ignore their insults. Toxic people love to disguise insults as compliments, such as “You’re brave wearing that – I’d never have the confidence to pull it off!” They want you to wonder about what they said, as it is a power trip for them. Dismiss their offhand comments so they have no control over you.

Ignore attention-seeking behaviour. Toxic people love to be the centre of attention, and often they will act out or behave obnoxiously to gain the attention of other people. Don’t encourage the behaviour by giving them attention – instead focus on the quieter members of the group.

Don’t indulge self-pity. This is the easiest way for toxic people to A. talk about themselves and B. get you involved in their life/drama/problems. Be aware of the pattern and you will never get sucked in!

Stick up for yourself and others. If a toxic person says something nasty about you or someone else, stick up for them. Toxic people often target people who they perceive as weak, and doing this will help them to realize not to mess with you – or other people while you are around.

How to stop being a people pleaser

How To Stop Being A People Pleaser

Are you a people pleaser? Some people struggle to say ‘no’ at work because they want to advance in their careers and they worry about looking lazy or disinterested, and others avoid saying no in their home life because they want to be friendly and kind.

However, being a people pleaser is notoriously stressful and difficult. You could end up taking on too much work, or end up being taken advantage of. It is important to realize that you can say ‘no’ without letting anyone down – check out 5 tips that will help you to stop being a people pleaser.

1. Set priorities – your ultimate priority should be your own goals. If you want to succeed at work, don’t put your own work on the back burner to help others. Remember that every time you say yes to one task, you unconsciously say no to lots of other tasks.

2. Realize you have a choice – you don’t HAVE to say yes. They asked for your help –  they did not demand it. The answer is your choice.

3. Don’t apologize – saying sorry implies you have done something wrong or let someone down – you haven’t. Before you say sorry, think about if you are really at fault, or if you just feel bad because you are a serial people pleaser. It’s probably the second reason, right?

4. Give yourself time to think – instead of saying yes or no to someone asking a favour, say you’ll think about it. This gives you the opportunity to weigh up the pros and cons, so you can actually figure out if you have the time to help.

5. Don’t offer excuses – if you feel bad about saying no, you may reel off a bunch of reasons why you can’t help. Don’t do this – you don’t need to overly explain yourself, you can just say you already have a lot of work on. You don’t need to validate why you can’t help – a reasonable person will understand that you probably have other priorities, and coming up with excuses is more likely to make you feel bad about saying no.

What do you think of these tips? I used to struggle with being a people pleaser, and often my work would be pushed to the side so I could help others who didn’t appreciate my time. I still love to help others – so long as it doesn’t affect my own work! Do you have any other tips for people who want to stop being people pleasers? Please comment and let me know your ideas! 🙂