Are you a people pleaser? Some people struggle to say ‘no’ at work because they want to advance in their careers and they worry about looking lazy or disinterested, and others avoid saying no in their home life because they want to be friendly and kind.
However, being a people pleaser is notoriously stressful and difficult. You could end up taking on too much work, or end up being taken advantage of. It is important to realize that you can say ‘no’ without letting anyone down – check out 5 tips that will help you to stop being a people pleaser.
1. Set priorities – your ultimate priority should be your own goals. If you want to succeed at work, don’t put your own work on the back burner to help others. Remember that every time you say yes to one task, you unconsciously say no to lots of other tasks.
2. Realize you have a choice – you don’t HAVE to say yes. They asked for your help – they did not demand it. The answer is your choice.
3. Don’t apologize – saying sorry implies you have done something wrong or let someone down – you haven’t. Before you say sorry, think about if you are really at fault, or if you just feel bad because you are a serial people pleaser. It’s probably the second reason, right?
4. Give yourself time to think – instead of saying yes or no to someone asking a favour, say you’ll think about it. This gives you the opportunity to weigh up the pros and cons, so you can actually figure out if you have the time to help.
5. Don’t offer excuses – if you feel bad about saying no, you may reel off a bunch of reasons why you can’t help. Don’t do this – you don’t need to overly explain yourself, you can just say you already have a lot of work on. You don’t need to validate why you can’t help – a reasonable person will understand that you probably have other priorities, and coming up with excuses is more likely to make you feel bad about saying no.
What do you think of these tips? I used to struggle with being a people pleaser, and often my work would be pushed to the side so I could help others who didn’t appreciate my time. I still love to help others – so long as it doesn’t affect my own work! Do you have any other tips for people who want to stop being people pleasers? Please comment and let me know your ideas! 🙂